In Search

So I am searching for something I have already found, it was there now its not and I am afraid I have lost it again. Making choices for the betterment of everyone around you is a hard thing to do. Now I am back on the road searching again....where do I go now?

For Pete's Sake......

If I say this probably isnt a good time for me to talk, just take that for what it is and wish me a nice day. Why must people ask so many damned questions, sometimes I dont want to tell you what is wrong. I just want to work it out for myself. See over the last few days I have been dealing with some next level bullshit and its left me kind of raw. Between my mother wanting me to bail out on the person that I love, and everyone I know wanting to kick his ass, nobody asks me how "I" am doing. They wonder about the situation, but if I say anything....and I mean anything that doesnt agree with their point of view, then they jump the fuck all over me.

GOD DAMMITTTT!

Why is it when you really need help, there is no one there? I need help with dealing with this, but none of these people know C-bear, and they dont know US! So they only get my side of the story, and not his, and of course he is he bad guy, blah blah fucking blah.

Your goddamn right I am combative right now.....Fuck all you people......

Who saved who?

So I have been spending a lot of time talking to a friend of mine who is going through a lot of changes. They are discovering why they made their choices in the past and why they are making different choices now in the present. Personally I am walking down this road too. I understand where they are at, and I try to tell them. To let them know they are not alone.

We are all responsible in how we react and handle things. Life dishes us some major bullshit and how we react is our choice. Its not about programming, its not about what your parents did to you, its not about your religion, it is about YOU. You can choose how you react, you can choose what you say and do, and it is your responsibility to own up to those choices.

So he tells me thank you, but really I have to say thank you to him, because reminding him reminds me. One day I will explain how all this came about....but not today. I thank you Dingo, for reminding me, and keeping me real.

I wish I could quit you.....

There are a thousand things roiling in my mind tonight....Am I in the right place, am I doing the right thing....questions, questions, always questions. Sometimes I just want to take my brain out and put it in a jar just to shut it up.

A quiet place

So I have said this like a million times in my life "All I need is a quiet place to think" and it totally not true. I do some of my best thinking when I am under pressure and duress. The more I hurt the more I think. I am beginning to think its not even a masochistic thing with me. The quiet places, the quiet people, the quietness, scares the ever loving hell out of me. I need noise. I need to be in the mix and with people.

The Intro Post

So this is my little place, I could say my secret place, but its on the net so how secret can it really be? A place for me to post random poetry and ideas, also to chit chat about things that normally I wouldnt post on my other blog. Those things that go bump in the night, and ideas that are over rated "R". Anyway..so welcome....