So it has been awhile since I posted a blog, much has happened in the last few weeks, but it includes driving all the way to Colorado to collect "C" and all his stuff. We have been back together for little over a week and it has been very enlightening. We have looked at an apartment, which we will be renting come the first of April, he has found a job, and things are looking up. The discussion of an official D/s contract has occurred, yet we have not put anything in writing yet. And this is why....
He is uncomfortable with my participating sexually with other people. The domestic service part he doesn't mind, but the submission to milady d he has an issue with, especially if her master "M" is observing. He considers the observation of my submission sexually a sexual act. I, of course, disagree. I feel that a sexual act incurs someone actually doing something, not just observing. The feeling of being possessed is one thing, and I understand his position, but this is insane. He knew this about me coming into this and now....I am just at a loss. Every time we try to talk about it winds up with us arguing. I know it does not make me a very good submissive to disagree with him but I just feel like I am being unfairly treated in this.
His position is that he barely knows the household I am in service to, he is not comfortable with my being naked around just anyone (though is doesn't bother me a bit) much less allowing another man to watch on while i am intimate with another woman. He says he needs time, he says he wants the opportunity to get to know the household. I am cool with this but I don't understand why i have to not play because HE has the issue.
Part of me feels like I am being childish and the other part is enraged as an adult. I don't know what to do and I feel like I am being forced to choose because of someones hang ups. That is NOT cool......
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I hope this comment posts...I can sometimes be so computer illiterate.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet, managing more than one BDSM relationship can sometimes be difficult, at best. Managing more than one BDSM relationship when your Dominant is your significant other which you have 'history' with prior to your BDSM journey can bring around even more difficulties.
If there is one thing I have learned in my journey thus far it is that it is important for me to grant my Dom the same respect that i would want to be extended to me. One way of respecting and honoring our BDSM relationship AND our marriage (or significant other) is for me to allow them to reserve the right to change Their mind.
I often have 'twinges' when he is involved with others, particularly if i am in a place of insecurity (and a new BDSM relationship will often bring this about). I would be totally screwed if I stuck to my original agreements on some things in the lifestyle, and I am forever grateful that He has respected my need to 'change' direction.
It took me a very long time to realize (much less accept) the fact that I cannot (and should not have to...could you imagine the pressure there) meet all of my Dominants desires/wants. It took me even longer to realize that one way i can honor His Dominance is to be willing to accept that He can meet these desires/wants with others.
It is now a way of me expressing my love for Him by me being 'okay' with Him meeting these desires/wants with others. When He can have his desires/wants met, it makes Him a better Dom and of course makes Him happier; which, in the end, is what i want for Him. When He is happier and His needs are met then ultimately he is more available and connected to me.
I also learned a lot at South Plains this weekend in regards to multiple BDSM relationships in addition to our primary relationship. I am ordering a book from one of the presenters and I will order 2 copies, one of which is for you (and your Dom if he desires to read it).
Please know that I value you as as person, and i value your service. I am not going anywhere. *kiss*
d